The Makeover

Now I adore all of my friends, but I have a particularly soft spot in my heart for my guy pal L. He's a really genuinely nice guy, which is kind of the mark of death for him. Because even though we girls always SAY we want the nice guy, the hot asshole guy is SO much more appealing in the end. Therefore, L has been striking out regularly with girls since he moved to New York a few years ago.

So a few months ago, I decided he would become my pet project and I would transform him into someone desirable to the ladies. We used to joke that if this was a romantic comedy, after I was done with the transformation, I would totally fall for him but then he'd be too cool for school to date me. (So not happening...)

The first step, and the easiest one, was his wardrobe. We spent about a month going to Barney's and Bloomingdales and Saks, picking out clothes and shoes that were stylish. I made him try on probably 50 pairs of jeans and had him turn around to "show me how his butt looked" in front of all the salespeople, much to his embarrassment.

Then I started educating him on pop culture and making him a more interesting person, giving him books to read and telling him all the ins and outs of Gossip Girl. Part of this was educating him on girls and what our pet peeves are, the kinds of things you should NEVER say to a girl (like telling her she's crazy).

Finally, and most crucially, I have started the lessons on how to be more of an asshole. The problem with L is that he is so upfront and friendly that there is absolutely no mystery, no mystique, none of that hot guy aloofness that makes us want them more. When a girl he liked called and asked what he was up to, he proceeded to give her the details of his afternoon, how he was shopping with his friend and we were currently at Jamba Juice waiting in line and blah blah blah.

Way too much information. Not sexy. And he said he was with a generic friend, instead of saying he was with a girl, which would've made her curious (and possibly jealous). So I've been coaching L by telling him he needs to act like he doesn't care, and stop being so open, so girls will be more intrigued by him instead of automatically tossing him into the friend zone.

We finally tried out the new L the other day at Saks. The saleslady and I were conversing about denim and L just grunted random responses when one of us would address him. As we walked away from the counter, I burst out laughing.

"What? Was I not aloof enough?" L asked me.

"I'm sorry, but instead of coming off aloof you just came off constipated the whole time," I told him.

Back to the drawing board...

Girls Gone Wild

The alternative title to this post was: "Girls don't try this at home!" I write a lot about crazy, sketchy guy behavior, but I thought it was time to devote some space to crazy girl behavior.

Now, I will admit this straight up: sometimes we women are not the most rational of creatures. Sometimes we do stuff that seems to have little reasoning behind it. SOMETIMES we are a little crazy.

And I can't explain why this happens, or what goes on in my brain when I feel myself boiling over with fury over something seemingly inconsequential. But if I do know one thing, it is that if I am at that point, you should never, EVER tell me that I am being crazy. I mean, unless you WANT me to flip out on you and never speak to you again. Cause that's what'll happen...

But even knowing that sometimes I can be a little nutso, there are still some stories that I hear about girls where I am just flabbergasted.

Case Study #1: The Abusive Girl

People frown upon abuse in general, but rarely is it the girlfriend who is the abuser. Recently, I have heard a few stories of totally pussy guys who were taking shit from abusive girlfriends. My friend C got into a fight with his girlfriend and when he walked out of her apartment to try to end the fight, she followed him and threw a brick at his head. Another guy, M, had a beer bottle broken over his head by his girlfriend and needed to go to the hospital to get stitches. And neither of these guys broke up with their girlfriends afterwards. Looks like it's not just girls that stay in abusive relationships....

Case Study #2: The Obsessive Girl

Now obviously in the internet age with the advent of Facebook, it's almost too easy to stalk people. But there are still those people who cross the line of fun stalking and become legitimate stalkers. Friend M went out to celebrate his birthday last week with the guys and his girlfriend wouldn't stop calling him every ten minutes, despite knowing that it was a guy's night out. M arrived home that night only to hear non-stop banging at his door. Turns out the girlfriend had been camped outside his door all night, and ended up hanging out with his neighbors while she waited for him to come home (since she didn't have a key to his place and couldn't get in). Needless to say, he broke up with her the next day and she didn't take it so well.

Ladies, we all have those days, but come on, you're making the rest of us look bad!

Calling an Audible

Being a huge football fan (and having spent far too much time with frat guys in college), I know what it means in football speak to call an audible. (For those of you who don't, it's when a quarterback gets to the line of scrimmage and changes the play call when he sees how the defense is set up.) But when someone actually said it to me in regular conversation the other day, I had absolutely no idea what it meant.

So, obviously, being a good internet junky I went home and Googled it. According to Urban Dictionary, in dating terms it means when you are talking to someone and they express they are not interested in you by working a rejection into the conversation, such as dropping the boyfriend/girlfriend bomb.

Now, this is a known strategy for getting out of some sticky situations, such as the way I let Neighbor Man know that I had no romantic interest in him. But up until this point, I had no idea there was an actual definition for it in boy speak! Brilliant!

No one really enjoys hearing that someone they are interested in, or have been involved with in the past, is currently dating someone new. It's obviously always a blow to the ego at the very least. But, I never really thought that it could bother people so much.

For example, if I rejected someone in the past, say Neighbor Man, and I found out that he had a girlfriend now, I would actuually be relieved and happy for him, and know that I could stop hiding behind the ficus in my lobby for fear of running into him. But apparently some, namely guys as R has informed me, find this to be a dig when you tell them you have a boyfriend and they don't appreciate it. I find this to be entirely baffling behavior.

But then again, these are the people that find it entirely normal to reach down their pants multiple times a day and adjust their balls, so really I can't be that surprised.

Repeating Mistakes

Piggy-backing on my post from yesterday, in typical Carrie Bradshaw fashion, I have been pondering a question: if we can never break out of our set point, does that mean we never learn from our mistakes?

(Just to clarify, because there might have been some confusion, unlike physiological set points, which we are pretty much born with (due to genetics), I think psychological set points are acquired and honed over time. My boyfriends throughout high school and my first serious boyfriend were very different from the guys I have dated since, and don't at all resemble from my set point guy.)

Now, there have been multiple times that I have broken out of my typical mode and dated different guys, such as the blonde jock NJ Boy, the blonde unemployed stoner Logan Boy, and that idiot meathead guy I dated in college who couldn't spell so he always sent e-mails with their phonetic spellings (i.e. "succeed" became "suxeed." Actual exampull, I mean example).

(And just in case you were wondering, he went to one of the top medical schools in the country and is now a neurosurgeon. That's totally the guy you want operating on your brain...I mean he should be fine as long as the job doesn't involve spelling.)

But inevitably, no matter what, I always return to my type at the end of the day, my set point. Which led me to wonder today if we can ever really break out of that pattern for good. Clearly, dating assholey nerds hasn't been working out in my favor, but yet, I continue to do so. So at the end of the day, I have to wonder if we ever do learn from our mistakes, if we are even capable of it, because we cannot help who we are attracted to and will always return to our set point.

So even though everyone is always rationalizing breakups and shitty relationships by saying that we learn from them, do we ever really? Yes, I have learned from my failed relationships; I know now that I can't be with someone who's a complete moron, or who doesn't support my writing, or who is intensely hated by my friends and family, or who is heir to a steel fortune. But does all that stuff really matter if I keep returning to the same type of guy?

At this point, I am convinced that we are doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over again until we are smacked so hard on our asses that we have to change our ways.

Oh, and sorry peeps, I didn't end up talking to the hot nerd at the bar. Next time...

Lessons Learned

In Biology, there is something known as a "set point," which is the "level or point at which a variable physiological state (as body temperature or weight) tends to stabilize." This has entered the lexicon lately as experts debate whether dieting can actually ever cause some people to permanently lose weight, because there is a weight that is natural for them to return to, no matter what their eating habits are.

Don't worry, this has absolutely nothing to do with obesity, but I've been starting to think that there are also psychological set points. For example, people all have a repeated pattern of dealing with stress: for some it's drinking; for some it's drugs; for some it's chocolate; for some it's physical activity (those bastards); for me, unfortunately, it's smoking. Everyone has patterns and habits that are second nature to them, and similarly I think most people have a "type" of person that they are innately attracted to.

For example, my friend S always dates oddball artist types who tend to not have health insurance and/or full-time jobs. My friend R is always attracted to smart girls who are also athletic and into sports. L is drawn to very typically pretty girls who are lacking in the personality department (and almost always strikes out with them).

And as much as I hate to admit it, I have a very clear pattern in the guys that I date and find myself interested in. They all tend to be slightly arrogant (or totally egocentric as the case might be), ambitious, funny brunettes who are smart and slightly nerdy.

Just to prove my point, when I was out at a bar with my friend K the other night, I was eye-banging a very hot brunette guy. When I asked my bartender friend who the hot guy was, he told me, "Oh that's P. He's a nice guy, but he's actually kind of nerdy."

At which point my friend K rolled her eyes, laughed, and said, "Well now it's a done deal. Before she just thought he was cute, but now she's alllllll his."

I would've protested, but it was so true that I couldn't really do anything but laugh.

I have a lot more to say on the subject, but this post has already gotten quite long so I'm going to turn this into a two-parter. More tomorrow. Stay tuned...

Blasphemy!!!

Alright, it absolutely pains me to say this (especially since my friend J is going to get so much pleasure out of it), but in the past few weeks my Bible, my guide, my best friend in book form, He's Just Not That Into You, has been wrong on several occasions.

Now, this is precisely why I hate books of this sort in the first place; they don't always apply to real life scenarios and then you end up assuming something stupid because HJNTIY told you so. And then you end up having totally pointless fights and quoting HJNTIY until guys tell you to shut up and stop letting a book dictate your life (other than, you know, the novels that I write and Harry Potter, obviously).

I hadn't heard from Celebrity Connections Boy in quite some time, which was fine with me since I had decided I was ambivalent about him anyway. And according to HJNTIY, that just meant he was never that into me anyway and couldn't make the extra effort to involve me in his life.

Well out of nowhere, I heard from him the other night. It turned out he had just been through a particularly turbulent few months at work (what with the economy going the way it has been), was worried he was going to get laid off, and was just in a shitty place. But now, he's finally feeling better and is "dying to take me out." His words, not mine.

I'm not particularly interested in this proposition, considering I had written this guy off months ago, especially after he told me he was "immature but a really serious relationship guy." Alarm bells, much?

The most jarring thing about hearing from him is that he was (and is) actually that into me, and he really did just have a lot of difficult stuff going on, which is why I hadn't heard from him, which means that HJNTIY was wrong. Wrong! WRONG!

Now what am I going to rely on completely for relationship advice? Damn...

Girl on Girl Action

Now, I am aware this is a dumb question and I have been pondering this ever since I found out in 9th grade that guys really like lesbian porn, but really: What is it about seeing two attractive women together that turns otherwise sensible, grown-up men into totally incoherent idiots?

The other night I went out with my friend L and some other guy friends to the bar where hot blonde Polish girl works. She was really excited to see me, and we promptly began complimenting each other and discussing girl things like where we shop for earrings and jeans.

But of course, the guys (sitting in the corner, watching our every move, I might add), of course interpreted this as us discussing what kind of underwear we were wearing and what kind of sex positions we might like to engage in together. And so when I turned around to bring them their beers, I found them totally bug-eyed with their jaws on the floor.

And for the remainder of the night, they could not stop discussing the possibility of me hooking up with hot Polish bartender and alerting me every few minutes that she was looking at me and reportedly "eye-banging" me.

Now, I am going to say that I am pretty aware of when guys are into me, and like most girls, I am entirely used to being hit on by guys at bars. But never in my life have I been hit on by an extremely attractive female. So the experience was entirely jarring, even without the guys ogling us, but there is little doubt in my mind that hot Polish bartender is at least bi-curious and would be open to a little girl-on-girl action.

The long-term consequence of this encounter, of course, is now my guy friends are all obsessed over the idea of me hooking up with hot Polish bartender, and bring it up any chance they get. Which of course, brings me back to my original question of why this is SUCH a big deal.

Silly boys...

(Funny Side Note: Just to prove how foreign girl-on-girl action is to me in my daily life, when my ex-boyfriend D told me his sister was getting married in Boston, I said, "That's great! What's his name."

D: "Amanda."

Me: "Amanda's a funny name for a guy."

Long awkward pause.

Me: "Oh my god your sister's a lesbian! I get it now!"

This once and for all proves that I always have guys on the brain in addition to being a complete and utter idiot...sometimes.)

Multiple Rejections

I am SO sorry for the long delay in posts, but I was busy sending out my manuscript to literary agents (15 rejections so far, but really, who's counting?).

Now, there was a time (like a few months ago) when I would've claimed that being rejected by a guy you like is the worst kind of rejection that exists. I have now experienced a whole other level of rejection: the kind where you take a year to write a novel that you pour your heart and soul into, and then take months to perfect it and lovingly send it out in packages to literary agents only to receive a constant flow of form letters that say, "Sorry, but this is not for us."

Now, THAT stings.

On a similar note (not really, but hey I'll tie it in somehow), it had been about two weeks since I had last heard a peep from Client Boy and I was discussing the situation with my friend L. I told L, "Well, I think he finally got the point and I won't be hearing from him again."

L laughed at my naivete and said to me, "Trust me, you will be hearing from him again, probably on a weekend night. He is the kind of guy who will NOT get the point just by you ignoring him. And even after you ignore this coming text, you will still probably continue to hear from him every couple weeks."

I doubted L, but that very night at about 2AM, I got a text from Client Boy, saying, "What are you up to?" which is obviously boy language for, "I am horny and alone and therefore was hoping you would be open to coming over and getting naked with me."

I told L he is officially a genius and once again proclaimed that since I had not responded to this text, I thought it was over. But no, no, no. The other night at 1:33AM I got a text with just my name in it, which clearly translates to, "I am bored on a Thursday night and I just got home and I am hoping that me texting you your name is so stimulating that you will immediately come over and entertain me."

Now, since my silence and disappearing act isn't discouraging Client Boy, I am choosing to be continually bemused by his persistence. Plus I have the feeling that even if I did outright reject him and send him a letter that said, "Sorry, but this isn't for me," that wouldn't stop him at all...

Write Me!!!!

I'm starting something new! I have always used the stories of my friends and acquaintances as blogging material, but now I would really like to hear from you. Send your dating stories and questions to me at stingerstinger8@gmail.com and I will incorporate them into the blog.

Thanks!!!!

Judgey Wudgey

I don't think since the Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie scandal of 2005 has there been a more controversial date in history. I got a series of comments following my last post consisting of, "Oh my god I can't believe you're going out with him. Why? Why? Why? This is madness! Ahhhhhhh!" Ok maybe I'm exaggerating just a tad.

I think it has to be some sort of record, but I literally went through an entire evening with this guy without knowing his name. I had brainstormed all day with friends how to find out his name, and came up with some awesome plans like stealing his wallet to look at his driver's license. Sister E finally settled it by saying, well hopefully he will be telling a story and it'll go something like, "So my friends said to me (insert name here) you're so crazy!"

The problem with that plan is that people say (insert name here) so quickly that all you really hear is a quick one syllable blurb and you have no idea if they're using their actual name, last name, or some sort of slangy nickname. Which is how I went through a night of, "Wait, did he say Chris? Is Chris his name? Or Nick? Did he say Nick?" in my head.

I think it's pretty awesome, and I just plan on referring to him as Vineyard Dude for the rest of my life.

And of course, I walked away from the whole thing with a very important lesson: first impressions can be misleading so you really should never judge a book by its cover (insert appropriate cliche here).

Despite my initial impressions of Vineyard Dude a month ago in Martha's Vineyard, he turned out to be a smart, funny, interesting, awesome guy. And I had a truly good time with him, despite my initial ambivalence. We grabbed a quick dinner, went out for drinks, and found out we have a lot in common. He's also, surprisingly, a good listener and seemed totally interested in my diatribes on life as a writer.

Now if only I could figure out his name...

What's Your Name Again?

I had a busy day today, and I never got a chance to write a full post, so this will just be a quickie.

I'm going out on a date tonight with Vineyard Dude, and I have utterly no idea what his actual name is. I entered him in my phone as "Vineyard Dude" and have been referring to him as such since. Thus, I have a night ahead of me trying to get away with saying "hey...you."

Although if this really works out, we could elope and from here on in I'll be known as "Mrs. Dude."

Getting Away

In typical NYC fashion, I've been spending the majority of my weekends outside of the city to escape the vicious heat and humidity. And I've learned that nothing makes me appreciate home like getting away, even briefly.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love to travel. It's probably my number one love, directly followed by shopping. And throw travel and shopping together and I'm just a hog in heaven. I spent part of my childhood living abroad and have been traveling around the world for as long as I can remember. Since the big South Africa trip in January, I haven't had time to leave the country again but have been regularly taking trips around the US.

And even after a short weekend away, I get so excited to walk around the steamy city, walk into my steamy apartment, and climb into my own bed.

I've been contemplating whether it's time for me to make a new start in a new city, so I've been systematically evaluating and rejecting all the cities that I've been visiting. I've already crossed off Atlanta, Boston, Philadelphia, Vineyard Haven, and White Plains. Next on the list is the West Coast.

But I have a feeling no matter where I go, no other city will compare. I may get tired of it, but I couldn't live without the endless bustle, the noise, the hoards of people, the constant excitement.

I may eventually just have to accept that I am a New York girl through and through.

HEINOUS

Now, I have witnessed some horrible, horrible things in my life, most recently The Happening (ba dum ch!) And I have seen guys do some really heinous things.

For example, in college my roommate was dating this guy who wanted to break up with her but didn't have the balls to. Therefore, he told her he was moving 300 miles away, they spent a week packing up his apartment together, she drove him to the airport, she cried for a long while, and then we found out that he hadn't moved. That's right, she dropped him off at the airport and he hopped right back into a cab and went back to his apartment and unpacked all his stuff. Heinous, right?

And today, I heard of something equally cowardly and ridiculous. My bff J was in a relationship with this guy for the past six months when he abruptly started drifting away and broke up with her. Then today, two weeks later, she got a message from him on Facebook, YES FACEBOOK, that he met someone else a month ago and has been dating her since. He said he was sorry he was such a coward and he wanted them to still be friends. Well, then maybe Mr. you shouldn't have told her a month after the fact via facebook that you were cheating on her.

Ya think?!?!

Now, just let me vent for one moment here. What the hell is wrong with you guys that you can't just get it together, put yourself through one moment of discomfort, and tell the goddamn truth? This isn't like those times when I went out with a guy and then he dropped off the face of the earth. These were guys that had committed to being in a relationship already. So seriously boys, get your shit together and stop being such seriously heinous assholes.

Seriously.

The Slut Factor

Now, I am going to say something that scares a lot of people, male and female.

I am a feminist.

It sounds like such a dirty word, but yes, it's true, I am a feminist.

Now, this does not mean that I am a fem-Nazi, or a lesbian, or that I plan on shaving my head or burning my bra any time soon. It means that I believe men and women are 100% equal in every way. Yes, that is what feminism means. Unfortunately, it's been tied to a lot of negative connotations, which is why that word seems so scary.

So I am the first person to point out unjust male/female stereotypes. For example, I have never appreciated that when men sleep around, they are Gods, titans, heroes, but when women do, they are branded as sluts, whores. It's obviously completely unfair, but for some reason, it's such an ingrained part of society.

Even though I am protesting it right now, I am just as likely as anyone to talk negatively about girls that I don't like or respect. In fact, earlier tonight one of my friends told me he was going to see a girl that I know slept around a lot in college and my response was, "Ew, that slut?"

Which is horrible, right? Especially in light of the fact that I was really hurt when a friend of mine recently told me he had been under the impression that I was "kind of slutty."

Now, I am aware that I am no angel. After all, I'm young, single, and living in Manhattan. But I am definitely on the tamer side compared to most of my counterparts, and just happen to be very vocal about my conquests, when there are any. I mean I write a blog about my love life, so obviously not too much is sacred with me.

But I can't deny that it hurt my feelings that my friend thought that about me, and it really made me reconsider what kind of image I'm putting out there for the world.

Note: I just realized by pure coincidence this post ended up directly on top of the one where I am contemplating a career as a prostitute. So yeah, that maybe cleared up some of the confusion in my head about why people have the wrong idea about me...

The Return of the J-Boy

Just to refresh everyone's memory, last year I started dating a guy I dubbed J-Boy and proceeded to just beat the crap out of him emotionally. The last time I saw him was when I ran into him at a bar the day after I had posted our break-up conversation verbatim to the internet (and promptly sent it out to just about everyone I know).

Now, this all happened quite a long time ago, but for some reason, I felt bad about it about a week ago and got it into my head that I should apologized and make things good with him. And I'm not even 12-stepping or anything. At the very least, it would give me some good karma, right?

So I called him out of nowhere and we played phone tag for a big before I finally got him on the phone and told him how sorry I am for being so horrible to him, that it was kind of a rough patch for me, and it's not indicative of how I usually treat people. Oh, and that I'm sorry I sent all my friends all the stuff he said online to me.

He was obviously pretty confused and shocked, but told me that all is forgiven because it was a while ago. And we even tentatively decided to hang out maybe sometime and catch up (yeah it'll NEVER happen, but the intentions were good!).

I am glad that I patched things up with him, and that the universe can finally right itself, but all in all it wasn't very productive. It's not like we're going to call each other to chit chat or go shopping together for curtains or anything. I have managed to avoid running into him since that fateful night in February, so I didn't really foresee it happening any time soon.

In the end, I guess I did it for my own peace of mind, and to be 100% honest, it wasn't really bothering me so much that I can now sleep easily at night. Which makes me wonder, is it EVER worth trying to make amends? In college, I cheated on a boyfriend after we had been together a year, and before he graduated, we met up for coffee so we could clear the air. And the stupid get-together made me feel worse than I had before.

So, is it ever really worth putting yourself through that?

More than Friends

There haven't been that many times in my life that I've made the transition from good friend to more than friend. When I was younger (and worshipped Dawson's Creek - oh, how I miss the old Katie Holmes...), it seemed like the ideal situation and I always hoped that I would eventually end up with one of the guys that I deemed to be a close friend.

Now that I am older (and smarter), I am aware that it's usually (not always) the females who make the decisions about who goes into the friend zone and who is hooking-up material. And therefore, when I meet a guy and have spent a little time with him, I usually make a snap judgement on which pile he goes into, and there he stays. It's been the case for Finance Boy and St. Paddy's Day Boy, and I usually let them know this by asking them for advice on boys.

Guys, on the other hand, rarely put girls in the friend zone (I mean, unless there is something glaringly wrong with her). It took me a loooong time to figure this out, but most guys will still agree to have sex with an attractive girl period. Regardless of whether they're friends or not, regardless of whether it's a good or bad idea, regardless of pretty much anything.

Thus, the very few times that I have decided to take a guy out of the friend zone, I've had to be the one to initiate it, since MOST (sober) guys are smart enough not to make unwelcome advances on their female friends. I think in the majority of male/female platonic relationships, it is the females that dictate the terms of how it's going to be. Which is precisely why I have been pushing some of my girlfriends to make moves on guys they are interested in but think they're "just friends".

For these same reasons, I also think it's harder for girls to adjust to the transition from friends to more. Once I've put someone in the friend zone and spent a good deal of time with him platonically, it's pretty difficult for me to mentally adjust to the idea of seeing him in a sexual light. Which FINALLY explains why things were so awkward between Joey and Dawson in season two.

Guy Psyche

I won't claim it's the most mature move on my part, but I was pulling a He's Just Not That Into You typical guy stunt and hoping that by disappearing and silence on my end, Client Boy would realize that I was no longer interested in wasting my time with him.

But the big flaw in my plan was that someone as narcissistic as Client Boy never takes a subtle hint, and would never EVER accept that maybe I am rejecting him. That is how I came to receive a series of successive strange text messages starting from last week and continuing nightly until last night. See below:

Tuesday Night, 10PM: Feel like sucking some cock?

Wednesday Night, 11PM: Boo

Thursday Night, 11PM: What's are you doin?

Thursday Night, 11:10PM (after no response to the previous text message): So the answer is being a bitch?

Friday Night, 12AM: Why don't you come see me real quick?

Saturday Night, 2AM: What are you up to?

Now, one would think since I didn't respond to ANY of these texts, he would've gotten the point, and would cease and desist. But I feel like by ignoring him I am somehow feeding the beast and now they are going to come stronger and more frequently than ever.

Which means I might have to just suck it up and tell him to back off, which is probably the grown-up, mature thing to do. But something tells me that he would not respond to it in a grown-up, mature manner...

Picking Up Chicks

So the other night I went out with my platonic guy pal, L, and he took me to his local bar, making a point of telling me that a really hot blonde bartender that he likes works there. I promised not to stifle his game.

It turns out the bartender IS really hot, a tall, blonde, perfect Polish girl who I will fully admit to having a major girl-crush on. L and I were sitting at the bar, sneakily checking her out when she came over and I asked her where her earrings were from. We started chatting and she suddenly exclaimed, "Oh my gosh, you are so gorgeous! You must have boys trying to get your number all the time!" to which I responded, "No YOU are so gorgeous! Look at you!"

Well, needless to say, she was my immediate new BFF and we totally hit it off, much to L's chagrin. I even made a point of going to the bathroom so they could have a moment together without me third-wheeling. When I came back, he looked at me grumpily and said, "I think she's more into you than she is into me. She told me that she thinks you're really pretty."

All I could really do at that point was laugh. As we were leaving, though, she stopped us and looked really disappointed we were taking off. I exchanged phone numbers with her and we made plans to hang out on Monday night, her night off.

Walking out of the bar, L just shook his head at me, and I told him he was obviously invited to hang out with us on Monday to which he responded, "I have had a crush on her for months, and you just walk in and get her phone number. You are the best wingwoman ever."

The moral of the story is I am apparently awesome at picking up really hot blonde Polish girls and I think there is career potential there. Let me know if you'd be interested in my services!

Sex Siren Status?

So my friend D was updating me on recent celebrity gossip (soooorrrry I've been too busy writing a novel to read TMZ in a while, ok?) and we got to discussing the Sienna Miller / Balthazar Getty affair.

Now, I'm not judging, and the last thing I'm going to do is devote a blog post to what a sleezeball Getty is and how Sienna Miller is a hypocrite for ruining a relationship when her own was destroyed by a nanny. No, no, what I am riled up about is how Sienna Miller always manages to bag all these hotties. Jude Law, Orlando Bloom, Leo DiCaprio, Hayden Christensen, Josh Hartnett, and now Balthazar Getty. How is that fair?!?!

Sienna is a pretty girl, no one's denying that. She has a great body, blonde hair, and style sense that any girl would kill for. But that does not translate to "make hot men fall at their knees." So what's that je ne sais quoi that she's got?

D and I decided that she comes across as a sex siren. And that's the extra something that sets her apart from the rest of the pretty blondes out there. Now, how does one go about being a sex siren?

I wandered into Barnes and Noble and asked if they had any books on how to be a sex siren, "Sex Sirens for Dummies," if you will, and they just looked at me blankly. So it looks like it's going to take a little more work for me to crack that mystery. How does one go from just being the girl-next-door type to the sex-siren type?

Opening Up the Ex-Files

Once upon a time in the magical land of Westchester, two teenagers met in history class, became friends, went through a series of ups and downs, and eventually fell in love.

Before you go vomiting in your mouth, don't worry, this is not going to be THAT kind of story. In fact, it's quite the opposite. She went off to college, they cheated on each other repeatedly, and had a heinous, ugly breakup. Awesome, huh?

But eventually, they both got over it, and D and I remain friends to this very day. He is the only ex-boyfriend I am on such good terms with that I've met his girlfriends since.

I am really really bad at maintaining friendships with exes. In my mind, if you were too stupid to lose me in the first place, you don't really deserve to have me in your life. Also, I have a tendency to date assholes (surprise, surprise), so most of them were not worth being friends with in the first place.

D is the one exception, mostly because he is one of the nicest people in the world, and therefore it makes it kind of hard for me to justify calling him a jerk and never speaking to him again. I mean he's such a nice guy that even my mom likes him and my sister leaves messages on his Facebook wall (ridiculous, right?)

Plus, D and I broke up almost ten years ago, so everything that happened between us is so far in the past there are no more hurt feelings. He just moved to Texas to pursue a teaching career, so we caught up over lunch before he left, and it was great to see him. Which makes me wonder if I was being short-sighted in writing off my other exes so quickly...

Nah.

Baby Mama Drama

So this past weekend, I had a brilliant idea. I was discussing with my fried K how we would like to have children someday even if we don't get married, and how we will go about doing so. She plans on having a friend donate his seed to the cause, but I came up with a far more awesome scenario.

Say you want to have a baby but absolutely do not want to know who the father is, and don't want the child to be able to figure out who the father is either. How would you go about doing so, other than getting a bunch of guys to squirt into a large bucket and turkey basting it?

Ooooh that's right, you would have a sex romp to get knocked up!

Picture this: it's the week of ovulation and you have a massive week of nonstop sex with so many guys that paternity testing would be far too difficult and expensive.

Obviously, there are a few kinks to work out. All the guys have to be the same ethnicity and roughly the same coloring. Avoiding STDs would be a good idea. And as my friend R pointed out, at some point having all that nonstop sex would be exhausting (and possibly painful).

This could be a very lengthy process, that involves years of planning and research and questionnaires and paperwork, but I'm seeing so many options: reality TV show, memoir, multiple visits to Oprah (or at the very least Maury). Come on folks, dream with me here.

For some reason, the people I have shared my idea with are not too enthusiastic and told me it sounds all kinds of ridiculous (no way!). Nevertheless, I'm keeping the option out there for Operation: Sex Romp Baby (what do we think of the name?).

As my friend K pointed out, as we formulated this plan, "Wow, this is going to be one messed up kid."

Guys in Other Cities

Now if there's one thing we New Yorkers love to do, it's to complain about living in the city: the weather, the noise, the construction, the rent, the homeless people, the subway fare increases, you get the point.

And of course, one of my favorite past times is complaining about how utterly psychotic Manhattan guys are.

However, after spending a good amount of time in some other Eastern American cities in the past couple months (Atlanta, Philadelphia, Boston), I have come to realize that I am truly lucky in the vast amounts of good-looking men I get to admire every single day, just by riding the subway or walking down the street.

My girlfriends and I have discussed that there isn't one day that goes by that we don't see a really attractive man. For me, there's rarely a day where I don't see a hot guy and eye-bang him.

I'm not exaggerating when I say there was not one fuckable man in all of Boston the entire week that I was there, out and about exploring the city. And I'm not just saying this because half of them were drunk and/or wearing some sort of Red Sox paraphernalia. I am saying this because they were all trolls. Sorry Bostonites, it's true.

So now when I find myself complaining about living in Manhattan, all I have to do is think about the creatures that Boston claims are their datable inhabitants, shudder, and then thank my lucky stars that I don't live there.

My Bible: He's Just Not That Into You

On the way to Philadelphia to visit my sister a few months ago, I needed a quick read for the train and picked up "He's Just Not That Into You." And my life was promptly changed. As in we now refer to that time as Pre-HJNTIY and After-HJNTIY.

I highly recommend this book to males and females; it's a quick read and it'll make you laugh either way.

I, just like any other girl, make constant excuses for guys when they are less than reliable.

Maybe he lost his phone. Maybe he programmed my number in incorrectly. Maybe he died. Maybe a relative died and he's been really busy planning the funeral. Maybe he was mauled by a tiger (yes, I actually did leave a message for Logan Boy asking if he hadn't called me back because he was mauled by a tiger). Maybe he is dying to call me, and his finger is poised right over the button on his cell phone, but he is too scared of how strong his feelings are. Maybe he was kidnapped.

The point is we will tell ourselves ANYTHING, anything, to believe that there is something else going on, rather than facing the cold, harsh reality that he simply wasn't interested. And for whatever stupid reason in his stupid head (he has to be stupid if he wasn't interested in me, obviously), he didn't have the balls to tell me that to my face, or at the very least over the phone.

So, here I was, in the midst of all my excuse-making for the boys in my life, at the time primarily AGA and Client Boy, and it hit me that they were totally and utterly just not that into me, and I was wasting my time worrying about them and wondering when they would call. The deafening silence was pretty clear.

I was depressed for about ten seconds and then I realized how freeing it would be to stop thinking about them.

I have a whole new outlook when it comes to guys now. If they are so idiotic that they can't get it together enough to call me or make definitive plans and actually follow through on them, then they are not worth my time and effort.

Now, as a caveat, my male friend J pointed out to me that HJNTIY is not ALWAYS right. There are times when things do actually come up, and there are times when guys do legitimately get freaked, and not because they don't like a girl, but because they (like us) do have feelings and baggage. So, sometimes, it's ok to throw them a little slack, but only a little.

Updates: Client Boy

Sooo I know I had totally written off Client Boy the last time we discussed and that lasted about one week before I buckled and gave him a call to say hello. After that, we began a strange pattern of seeing each other about once a week.

Now, before you go judging me, let me explain myself.

Client Boy is a (not so) rare breed of male that grew up as an only child mama's boy and has evolved into a totally selfish, semi-sociopathic, kind of grown-up. Thus, he only wanted to see me when it was convenient to him and the most important person in his life would always be himself. He was never malicious and never meant to hurt me in any way; he just couldn't help it because the he always put his needs and feelings first.

The perfect example of this is I found out that the last time Client Boy had a serious girlfriend, he also had an affair with his boss at the time. Now, he never meant to hurt his girlfriend (or the boss who got attached), but in Client Boy's world, his happiness was his number one priority and having both a girlfriend to go home to and a boss to have sex with on the side was precisely what made him happy. And as a result, being a decent human being and sparing the feelings of two females fell by the wayside.

I had been let down by Client Boy over and over again, and I now realized that the only way to deal with him was to have no expectations whatsoever, and then I could never be disappointed. Once I figured all this out, I knew exactly how to handle him. Any plans we made were always going to be subject to his convenience and therefore always tentative on my end. And I had to be prepared to be smothered in affection while I was with him and forgotten when I wasn't.

And why did I put up with this? Because he was a fun guy and I had no problem seeing him once in a while when I had nothing better to do, now that I knew there was absolutely no boyfriend potential there.

In a surprising and somewhat ironic twist, as soon as I had Client Boy figured out and wasn't that interested in him anymore, he of course felt me pulling away, and wanted me around more. He started introducing me to his friends, doing things like kissing me and doing PDAs in front of them (which is kind of a big thing in my world), and then I knew I was in deep when one of his friends said to me, "I like you. You make [Client Boy] really happy and he says you take really good care of him."

As soon as I relayed that advice to my friends, they all laughed uproariously and told me that I had gotten myself a boyfriend. Of course, I knew this was a total lie because the last thing Client Boy would ever want in his life is a relationship, and I am too smart to be that girl anyway. So after that incident, I started to pull away and rejecting Client Boy's invitations to hang out.

Fingers crossed, any day now he'll figure out that I'm not interested any more. Or I can just send him the above e-card.

Updates: AGA

The last time I left off with AGA we had just gone on our first date and I was feeling nothing but tingly, wonderful feelings through and through.

Well I know you're dying to find out how that whole thing turned out, so it's your lucky day.

After a week of texts and phone calls, we went out on our second date and had another great, amazing time. I was thoroughly in smitten mode and driving my friends crazy talking about him nonstop and how cute our babies would be.

And then...three weeks of silence. That's right. Three weeks of not really hearing from him and calling him just to get a text message in response that he was sick. Finally, after three weeks, he contacted me to let me know he had just started seeing someone, after our second date, and that was why he had been so MIA. As in three full weeks of soul-torturing uncertainty before I finally heard from him.

Now, just to back up a little bit, of course I was kind of devastated, but the three weeks of silence had been a definite sign that he wasn't dying to see me any time soon, so I had already somewhat prepared myself for the rejection. And yes, I do appreciate that he told me he was seeing someone and still wanted to be my friend, but three weeks seems excessive. Very excessive.

A good deal of time has passed, so I'm looking back on this with fresh eyes, and I understand now that even though AGA was my magical chemistry kiss guy, apparently he didn't feel the same way about me and he met someone who was his magical chemistry kiss girl. I really can't be mad at someone just because he met someone he felt magical chemistry with.

Yes, I was pretty let down, but one never knows what the future may bring. After all, it took a couple years for us to get our shit together and actually go out on a date, so maybe it'll take another couple years for us to go on a third date.

Neighbor Man

In one of the stranger ways I have ever met someone, about a month ago I was on my way out of my building when my doorman stopped me and asked if he could speak to me outside. Immediately, I was worried that I was in trouble (seriously, I wasn't the one having the party! I swear!), but instead, he told me that one of the men in the building had seen me walking through the lobby and asked who I was. He wanted to know if it would be ok for him to pass my information along on to my admirer.

Of course, my reaction was, "Well that depends, is he cute?"

Doorman responded, "Yes, he's very handsome. And a very nice man. I think he's a great catch."

Now, despite the fact that my doorman might have a man crush on this guy, I was intrigued so I agreed and the next day my doorman presented me with a business card complete with all sorts of home phone numbers.

I waited a few days (as a lady does) before calling Neighbor Man (we are calling him "man" instead of "boy" because he's almost 40 and I really can't justify calling him a "boy"). He's nice, lives three floors above me, works in finance (not another one, I know), and plays the piano. I agreed to meet him for drinks, but right off the bat I could tell that I wasn't really interested in him in any romantic capacity.

Unfortunately, he didn't feel the same way and proceeded to text and call me regularly (even once from Kuwait - I've never been texted from the middle east before!). Finally, I couldn't handle it anymore and I knew I had to put an end to it so I picked up one of his calls when I was in the car with my sister and her boyfriend.

I tried to sneak the rejection in subtly. He asked me what I was up to that night and I said, "Oh, I'm just grabbing dinner with my little sister and our boyfriends."

Him: Who?

Me: Our boyfriends.

Him: Her boyfriend?

Me: Yes, her boyfriend and my boyfriend.

Him: Ooooh, since when do you have a boyfriend?

Me: Oh, recently. It's very new.

Giggling in the background from the peanut gallery. My sister whispers, "And fake..."

Him: Oh ok, congratulations! We can still go out for drinks, right?

Me: Sure, but just as friends.

Awkward giggling.

Him: Why, you're not married, are you?

Me: Um, no, but seriously. JUST. AS. FRIENDS.

I ended the conversation pretty abruptly after that. Needless to say, it was probably one of the most awkward conversations I've ever had. Now I have to spend all of my time sneaking in and out of my building hoping that I don't run into Neighbor Man.

Totally Inappropriate

I've developed a habit of saving my favorite texts in the saved folder on my cell phone and the other night while I was perusing them, doubled over in laughter, I wondered what it is about me that provokes inappropriate texting behavior (or maybe that's just the way guys are). Either way, I thought it would only be fair to share. Enjoy!

"I honestly spent the weekend regretting not finding a little nook somewhere and just trying to fuck like the plane was going down."

"How about you pick up a dominatrix outfit at a costume store then swing by? I'm rock hard"
(For the record, no I did NOT do it.)

"So are you dressed for a sexy adventure?"
(Well, I always am, but thanks for asking!)

"Can I come over to your place a a massive errection?"
(I THINK he meant "as a," but I'm not quite sure...)

And my all-time favorite:

"Let's talk tomorrow..-m gonna jerk off and go to bed lol"
(The typo and throwing "lol" at the end are really what make the text.)

Seriously, is there something about me that screams, "Please, tell me all about your penis!"? Because I don't recall doing so...but then again maybe all guys assume we women are interested in their penises and therefore over divulge information as they see fit.

Feel free to post your own inappropriate texts below!

Vineyard Dude

This past weekend, I went to Martha's Vineyard with my family, which meant there was tons of family drama (AND we were staying in a DRY town, which obviously did NOT help. How exactly does one decide that they are going to blatantly defy an amendment? Seriously, how do you do that?).

In the moment that my sister and I managed to escape from our parents, we perched ourselves on a stoop to watch their July 4th parade when two guys sat down next to us and noticed that I was storing a bottle of wine in my bag (in preparation for returning to the dry town later that night), and started talking to me.

I have absolutely no idea what their names are, so I've been referring to the non-married one as Vineyard Dude. We flirted for a bit, and then the parents came to reclaim sister and I, so we took off, of course not after Vineyard Dude asked for my phone number and I dumbly gave it to him.

Why dumbly? Oh because I was totally unaware at the time, but I was unknowingly subscribing to his life RSS feed. For the rest of the night, about every 10 minutes, I would get texts such as the following:

"Watching the parade."
"In line at the ferry."
"Meg Ryan just ran over my foot with a baby carriage." (Ok, that one was kind of cool.)
"Watching the fireworks and meeting Wasps." (????)

The next day, I figured I was out of the woods, when my phone buzzed with, "Waited 3 hours for breakfast and now walking around in the rain." I turned to my sister and we were laughing about how this guy was crazy when I walked right into him in a store across from our inn. Crazy stalker much?

To make this even better, Vineyard Dude is in Manhattan this week and I (like an idiot) had told him the neighborhood I live in. I am officially walking around in sunglasses and a giant hat until I'm sure he's left the country.

Hiatus

Sorry readers, I've been out of the loop for a while (a long while, I know), because I've actually been focusing on my novel and I just finished it. That's right, I just finished my first novel and am working on the rewrites but as soon as that's finished, I'll be back to my old blogging self.

A Big Snooze

After some e-mailing back and forth and texting, I spent some quality time with Ivy Boy...and his lacrosse buddies from college and his little sister. Seriously.

Remember how I thought he was a little boring and serious when I met him? Oh yeah I take that all back now because I know for a fact now that he's incredibly boring and not at all serious.

In fact, he and his friends are all totally idiotic meatheads. The whole lot of them all played lacrosse in college and sat there for THREE HOURS recounting stories of the parties they had and the drugs they took back when they were athletes. This, of course, was when they weren't making fun of each other for "being a homo" and talking about cleveland steamers and rusty trombones (if you don't already know, don't ask - trust me, you don't want to know).

To begin with, my idea of physical activity is walking down the block to the grocery store instead of having Fresh Direct deliver it to my doorstep, so I didn't exactly fit in with his crowd. Nor do I find homosexual insults and explicit sexual remarks that funny when they're outside of a Judd Apatow movie. I felt as if I had to read a textbook or watch a documentary after hanging out with them to replace the brain cells that I had just lost en masse.

Needless to say, I don't think I will be hanging out with Ivy Boy ever again.

Feeling Ambivalent

Last night I went out with some friends for drinks when Celebrity Connections Boy texted me to see what I was up to and I invited him to come meet up with us.

I had liked him immensely when I met him so I was looking forward to seeing him and getting to know him better. He's a great guy, very good on paper in addition to being a genuinely nice, friendly person.

We had a good time and I was thinking I might actually be interested in him until...well, until he decided to tell me exactly how he feels about me.

It started out innocently enough. He told me the night we had met, he had seen me in the bar before we started talking and that he had thought I was very pretty but had no idea how to approach me. Then, while I was occupied with St. Paddy's Day Boy, my girlfriend B had started talking to his group about the hockey game that was on. When I found B and joined in their conversation, to quote him, "I couldn't believe my luck that you were friends with her and you would talk to me."

He then proceeded to tell me how "awesome" he thought I was and how much he liked me. He used the word "perfect" to describe me at some point, and that was really the last straw.

Ok I know this is going to sound a little crazy, but one of the best parts of dating is not knowing exactly how the other person feels about you and that "does he like me?" excitement. So when someone spells it out for you on the very first date, when they barely know you, it kind of ruins all the fun. And if you're me, it freaks you out completely and gives you the urge to run for the hills and change your phone number and locks.

Before you think I am completely insane, please keep in mind that I was (and am) still trying to sort through whether I would have to throw him into the friend zone, or if it could be something more. I don't even know if I'm really attracted to the guy and he's already decided that I'm the girl for him.

Then today, while I was still semi-freaked out from last night, I received a text from him saying "I had a great time last night. I would love to take you out this week if you're free." Yes, folks, he L-bombed me. Already. I am buying a taser tomorrow.

The Beginning of Something, Maybe

I am starting to feel like the girl that cried wolf when it comes to saying that I've "met someone special that might actually turn into something" since I am aware that I was mistaken about that in the past a few times (Slingarm, Client Boy just to name a few). Therefore, I refuse to say anything remotely to that effect about my first date with AGA last night.

He called me yesterday in the afternoon to tell me that he had to go out of town this weekend, but he would call me if he was out and about in the nighttime. I was having a drink and catching up with St. Paddy's Day Boy (who btw I am almost positive knows he is in the friend zone now) when AGA called to see if I wanted to meet up with him.

We had a fantastic time and this will go down in history as one of the greatest first dates of all time, complete with more mind-blowing kissing. He conveyed to me that he would like to see me again, soon, and he'd give me a call today so that we could make plans.

After not hearing from him all day, I was starting to lose faith when I received a text that said, "I'm sorry, I had a busy day and just got home. Can I call you tomorrow?"

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Let's back up for a second. I am used to guys that, well, just plain don't call or even worse, pull a Logan Boy, i.e. make plans and then totally stand me up with no explanation. (Side Note: The honor of this title almost went to Client Boy, but alas, Logan Boy came first and his actions were way more heinous. Sorry Client Boy, next time...) I thought a guy was considerate and awesome if he even texted me "Sorry, I will call you tomorrow". It's unheard of to be asked if it's ok.

All in all, I am pretty amazed and overwhelmed by AGA. In a good way.

Oh, and PS - If you were wondering at all, the picture has absolutely nothing to do with this post. I just thought it was cute...kind of like AGA...

A Very Eventful Wednesday Night

If I am anything, it's a multi-tasker. And that even comes to my dating and meeting boys. On Wednesday night, I had a networking event that I had to attend, but I agreed to meet B at our bar for drinks beforehand.

St. Paddy's Boy had written me earlier that day that he would be at the same bar B and I frequent, so I agreed to have one beer with him before I left for my event. It was good to see him, but I am still thinking that I'm not that interested in him romantically.

Then, right before B and I were getting ready to leave for the event, we ended up talking to a group of hilarious, young guys. I hit it off with one of them (Celebrity Connections Boy), and we ended up talking for a while and making plans for the weekend. Way before I made any movements to leave, he asked for my phone number. He's very cute, funny, in good shape, AND friends with a very hot TV star, which is always a plus.

B and I finally made it over to the event, very fashionably late, and I made the rounds to say hi to my friends. Then I bumped into a guy that I did business with (no, like actual business, get your mind out of the gutter) many years ago and haven't seen since (we are going to call him AGA, short for Almost Got Away).

When we had originally met, I had thought he was cute, but knew that he had a serious girlfriend at the time. I was still with my boyfriend, so the whole thing was pretty moot. Last night, AGA told me that he had asked one of my coworkers about me because he had thought I was cute. He joked to me, "Think of the lost love connection we almost made!"

"Well, you had a girlfriend anyway," I pointed out.

"Yes, but we broke up. I'm single now."

"Realllllllllly...."

"But you must still be with your boyfriend, right?"

And that was the beginning of the conversation where I told him I was now single as well. We talked for the remainder of the night. And yes, I will finally end the suspense and confirm that AGA was the guy with whom I had the amazing kiss from last night. I know it was really eating away at you.

All in all, it was quite a successful night. I managed to squeeze in a brief date (St. Paddy's Day Boy), meet a new prospect (Celebrity Connections Boy), and reconnect with AGA. Not bad at all for a Wednesday night.

A Reflection on the Kiss

I'd like to pause here and get a little sappy and possibly medical, so my readers who cannot tolerate this should stop reading this post right now.

A good kiss is always nice, but a really great kiss is a totally different ballgame. Why is that and why does it feel so damn good?

According to Helen Fisher on WebMD: "The receptors on the lips are incredible...I've heard hookers say they would rather copulate with somebody than kiss them because the intensity of kissing somebody is so meaningful. There's tremendous intimacy. ... Even the genitals do not have the sensitivity that the lips have."

Wowsers. First of all, I think that's the first time I've ever used the word "genitals" in my blog. Secondly, that isn't the first time I've heard mention that kissing is a more intimate action than sex, and not just in the Pretty Woman hooker world. I have guy friends that will sleep with girls but think kissing them would be weird because it's that much more serious than sex.

Oh and that wonderful weak-in-the-knees dizzy feeling after a kiss? Kissing prompts the brain to release dopamine and norepinephrine, which spur on feelings of giddiness, euphoria, lust, attachment, and sensations similar to the ones you experience when in love.

Why am I looking up biological facts on kissing in the middle of the night? I have been fortunate enough to have a few fantastic, memorable first kisses in my life. Off of the top of my head, I can recall four. Some women say they can tell if a guy is "the one" from that very first kiss. While I find this to be a load of bullshit, nor do I believe in "the one," I cannot deny that after those first kisses, I knew that there was a special spark and that guy was going to be important in my life in some way.

And without setting any expectations or getting carried away, about two hours ago I just had memorable first kiss number five. Thus, now I am trying to rationalize why this one, brief kiss could mean so much to me.

More details on the guy later, but I will leave you with an excerpt from my in-the-works novel:

There are first kisses and then there are first kisses. There are times when there is so much chemistry and lust that when you kiss, you just think to yourself, “My god, why haven’t we been doing this my entire life?” Needless to say, this was one of those.

One Party, Lots of Inappropriate

Last night I took my girlfriend S to an event a hot new club that was being hosted by Sketchy McSketcherson. Not only did I meet his barely legal girlfriend, he informed that she recently moved in with him and then promptly asked me if I would like to go back to their place for a threesome.

No joke.

I politely declined, as politely as you can decline a 40-year old's invitation to have a threesome with him and his 20-year old girlfiend, but he kept on insisting until I eventually left.

As if that wasn't enough, Sketchy McSketcherson introduced me to a cute guy that I was chatting with. He was nice, smart, interesting, but slightly ADD. He wandered off at some point to "go to the bathroom" and my girlfriend S had hit it off with his friend, so I was feeling like the third wheel and went to the bar to get a drink.

And there, I found him hitting on another girl and within moments dancing with her on the dance floor and making out like there was no tomorrow. I'm not kidding, guys, this was like full on grinding-on-the-dance-floor-sex-with-clothes-on-in-the-middle-of-a-crowded-club making out the likes of which haven't been seen since high school homecoming.

Let's just say all this inappropriateness plus an open bar equals an enormous hangover and a mysterious bruise I found on my knee this morning that is this incredible shade of green/purple/red/brown that I have never seen before and didn't previously know existed in nature.

To sum it all up in one word: Ouch.

Just Another Monday Night...

So I was feeling kind of down last night, so B and I went out to our local bar for some Monday night drinking. I noticed a cute guy sitting by himself at a table in the front, so I sat myself down at his table and asked what he was doing.

Turns out in addition to being cute, he is great on paper: Ivy League graduate (thus, the name Ivy Boy), played sports in college, works in Private Equity, lives in a nice area in Manhattan, etc, etc. He's slightly boring, though, as the good-on-paper guys seem to be, and very intense, but I managed to make him crack some smiles with my witty banter.

The end of the night resulted in a hug, kiss on the cheek, him giving me his business card, and inviting me and B to a Sunday Irish breakfast. Therefore, I wasn't entirely sure if he was interested in me at all until one of his friends called. Ivy Boy was trying to convince said friend to come meet us at Reservoir, so he put me on the phone. We started chatting and the friend asked, "Well, are you cute?"

I laughed and handed the phone back to Ivy Boy. "He wants to know if I'm cute, so I thought I'd let you handle this one."

Ivy Boy took the phone back and said, "Not only is she cute, but she is smoking hot and smart."

Not bad for a Monday night.

I sent him a casual e-mail today just saying hi and that it was nice to meet him last night, so we will see.

To Be Utterly Fair....

For probably the past five years, my friend J has been my prime consultant for boy issues, and reciprocally, he has come to me for girl advice. He is always on the lookout for my best interests, gives me the male perspective on my questions, and is the appropriate level of outraged when someone screws me over. I, in turn, listen to his girl woes, guide him on how to proceed when he meets someone he likes, and am the appropriate level of outraged when someone screws him over.

Needless to say, we do a lot of bitching about the opposite sex, and he recently pointed out to me that I don't make guys look so good in this blog, but I never give the other side of the story. Since my romantic liaisons are with males, I don't have (many) anecdotes involving dating and the fairer sex, but J was right.

Girls can be just as bad, if not worse, as guys when it comes to disappearing, dropping off the face of the earth, being rude and mean, what have you. J was hot and heavy with a girl for three months recently and one day she just stopped responding to his text messages and calls and he hasn't heard from her since. It sounds remarkably like my story with Logan Boy, which goes to show you that both guys and girls can pull this shit.

I don't really understand why people (please note the gender-neutral term usage here) do this; it's not even a dating thing, it's just common decency not to completely ignore someone that you have spent some time with. I have been going off the assumption that guys are immature and cannot deal with confrontation, which is why they choose to completely avoid the issue and disappear (yes, I'm looking at you NJ Boy), but girls do this too.

Yes, it might be briefly uncomfortable to tell someone you don't want to see them anymore, and then possibly lie about it, but we're all grownups. Suck it up and do it. Or you can do what I do, which is break up with him over instant messenger and then post the conversation verbatim to your blog.

Moving Forward

I saw Client Boy briefly last night for the first time in a week. He was away on business over the weekend and then busy with work during the beginning of the week, but made a point of telling me that he was working on clearing his schedule so that he could spend some time with me.

It's been exactly a month since we started seeing each other, which of course makes me want to step back and evaluate if I'm wasting my time. Yes, there was the standing up incident, which was heinous, but since my confrontation, he has not pulled anything remotely similar. He has been on the ball with calling me, returning my calls, just being around.

Thus, I do feel like we're moving forward and I like him and enjoy spending time with him; however I can also feel my interest waning and myself wondering if I really do want to get more serious with him. I have been spending far too much time analyzing myself and came to the conclusion that this is just commitmentphobia rearing its ugly head again, and I'm just afraid to get hurt.

I think I just need to relax and see where it goes. Soooo much easier said than done.

Letting Him Down Easy

Last night, I was sitting around waiting for my food delivery, so I picked up my phone immediately to an unknown number. It turned out to be Lawyer Boy who I met the other night bowling.

I was kind of taken aback, but we chatted for a little while before he asked if he could see me later this week. I told him that I'm busy, which I am, with various friend dinners and events, but I'd let him know if something opens up. I am hoping that he read between the lines and knows that I was trying to let him down because I'm not that interested in going out with him.

I've figured out that saying you're "busy" is usually a euphemism for "not interested." Yes, I am busy this coming week and have plans, but nothing that important and nothing that I wouldn't reschedule for a guy that I really liked. I bet this goes both ways too, and the guys that have been too "busy" to see me just didn't want to make the extra effort.